{"id":4492,"date":"2020-10-23T08:00:48","date_gmt":"2020-10-23T12:00:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites.udmercy.edu\/alumni\/?p=4492"},"modified":"2020-10-21T09:07:06","modified_gmt":"2020-10-21T13:07:06","slug":"get-to-know-scott-haas-82-on-how-we-can-find-happiness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites.udmercy.edu\/alumni\/2020\/10\/23\/get-to-know-scott-haas-82-on-how-we-can-find-happiness\/","title":{"rendered":"Get to Know: Scott Haas ’82, on how we can find happiness"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"PhotoScott Haas \u201982 is a writer and clinical psychologist based in Boston. He writes a monthly jazz column<\/a> for The Bay State Banner, a weekly publication that reports on Boston\u2019s Black community, and is the author of a new book, \u201cWhy Be Happy? The Japanese Way of Acceptance<\/a>,\u201d released July.<\/p>\n

Detroit Mercy\u2019s Marketing & Communications Department recently spoke with Haas about the nature of happiness and ukeireru<\/em>, the Japanese art of acceptance that he explores in his new book.<\/p>\n

Q: We\u2019ll start off with an obvious first question: What is happiness?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Haas:<\/strong> There\u2019s the immediate and there\u2019s the lasting. The classic example that psychologists talk about is that you have two choices. One choice is that a friend calls you up and says, \u201cI\u2019ve got a pair of tickets to this amusement park. Why don\u2019t we go and spend the day there?\u201d And you go and you have an incredible time. … So, you\u2019re really happy, right? The second way of happiness is that you have an elderly aunt, and you just love her to death. \u2026 She calls you up and says, \u201cWould you come over and help me out a little bit around the house? I\u2019m kind of frail, and while you\u2019re here, we could have a little lunch together, and maybe you could read to me because my eye sight\u2019s shot.\u201d So, you go over there and you spend a few hours and you\u2019re really taking care of her.<\/p>\n

What psychologists talk about is that the second one is more likely to last because it\u2019s such a beautiful thing you were able to share \u2014 taking care of somebody \u2014\u00a0whereas the amusement park was just about you. It was a lot of fun, but fun is not necessarily the only component of happiness. One of the major components of lasting happiness, as any parent would tell you, is being able to take care of someone who needs you.<\/p>\n

\"CoverQ: Why should people be happy, then?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Haas:<\/strong> It depends on what they want out of life. When I used to go to basketball games, I felt really, really happy. And it was just the best way to have a Thursday night; I\u2019m out with my friend, Fred, he and I are at the game and we\u2019re having dinner before. It just makes up for all of the things that happened during the week. And for two hours, all the stresses in my life are gone, I\u2019m just focused on the game. That\u2019s all I\u2019m interested in. And so, it\u2019s nice to get out of your head, it\u2019s nice to get out of the things that stress you out. Happiness is a way to get rid of stress. So that\u2019s why we need to be happy.<\/p>\n

But the question is, how do you make happiness last, and what is happiness, really? For the last few months, since March, I don\u2019t know a lot of people who are walking around really happy. Part of the challenge is leaving aside loss of work, loss of family members and things like that, it\u2019s also the social isolation \u2014\u00a0you can\u2019t do the things that you want to do. So how do you create happiness for yourself in situations like that? What I have found to be good is trying to be of use to others. There\u2019s almost always someone who\u2019s worse off than you are or I am. So, I\u2019m doing everything I can to spend part of my day being of use to others. And that makes a big difference because our communities are based on individuals who do that, whether you\u2019re in the police department, fire department, driving a bus during a pandemic. Those people are taking chances, and they\u2019re taking those chances not for personal happiness but because it makes others around them happy.<\/p>\n

Q: How does someone know, in that moment, if they\u2019re happy?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Haas:<\/strong> When I\u2019m happiest, it\u2019s when I\u2019m only feeling present. So, during this pandemic, since March, I have felt the least amount of stress when I walk my dog several times a day. I feel happy not thinking about when is this going to end, how did we get in this situation, how do we get out of this situation. I don\u2019t think those thoughts. I\u2019m just walking along and he tunes into a blue jay screech or he\u2019ll stop and look at a tree. So, I try to get into his head, and I find that tuning into the things around me make me happy. I\u2019m not thinking about the past and I\u2019m not thinking about the future. I\u2019m thinking about being here right now.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s like when you\u2019re with someone you love. If I\u2019m with my wife, in our best moments, I\u2019m thinking, I just love being here with her, I just really like this a lot. I\u2019m just thinking about how lucky I am to be with someone I care this much about. It\u2019s just a really good feeling of being of the moment; you\u2019re not thinking about anything else other than being right there. You\u2019re fitting in to what\u2019s around you, and that\u2019s a very Japanese thing, in a sense. Their goal is based on two things: One is how do we find out what nature expects of us, and having figured that out, how do we fit in with that expectation? When we can figure out those two things \u2014\u00a0and figuring that out is not permanent, it changes every day, every moment \u2014 that\u2019s what makes us happy. Primarily, it\u2019s also really truly thinking about others, trying to be of use to others.<\/p>\n

Q: Have you found that happiness is different for everyone?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Haas:<\/strong> The things that make me happy may not make you happy, but I think that, on a practical level, the things that make me the happiest are taking a walk, running, cooking, reading, writing \u2014 that\u2019s about it. But then you want to add to that, because there\u2019s other things. I used to love going to see a game, but I can\u2019t do that right now. I love listening to music; I know people who just don\u2019t feel that. So, it\u2019s really a question of what happens to one of us when we are experiencing happiness? There are people who love gardening. I don\u2019t get it, I don\u2019t understand why people love gardening so much. But when my wife\u2019s out gardening, she\u2019s just really happy. And I think she\u2019s happy because she\u2019s not thinking about herself. She\u2019s a doctor. She\u2019s not thinking about taking care of patients, and she doesn\u2019t have to worry about them. She\u2019s just worried about the planting. So, whatever gets you out of your head is what makes you happy.<\/p>\n

Q: Your new book explores ukeireru<\/em>, the Japanese art of acceptance. What led you to explore this topic?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Haas:<\/strong> When I was a teenager, I saw a movie called \u201cRashomon.\u201d It was a story about a terrible incident that took place in Japan. What I loved about it was it showed different perspectives. So, I started reading a lot about Japan as a teenager. I dropped it all and had no interest in Japan until about 2002, and this famous chef in New York invited me and two other writers to join him in a \u201cLost in Translation\u201d free trip to Japan. The four of us went with his restaurant crew, and we stayed in the same hotel where they made the movie. And I had no desire to go to Japan, none at all. Zero. And I get there and it\u2019s like, \u201cHoly smokes!\u201d It\u2019s a really interesting place. And it brought back all of the interesting things I thought about as a teenager, and how different it was and how they\u2019re able to see different perspectives. And while I was there, and over the last 18 years or so, I was really, really lucky to develop friendships with people there. And they taught me a lot about this idea of accepting a situation and not being reactive to it. And they don\u2019t mean acceptance in the sense of resignation \u2014\u00a0they have another word for that. Ukeireru<\/em> means that we have to accept the situation for what it is, be realistic about it. We don\u2019t have to respond to it. But having accepted it, we can decide then if we want to continue being part of it, or whether we want to change it. But the first step is to say this is what\u2019s happening. And even today, I\u2019ll go there once or twice a year. I\u2019ll see a friend who is a close friend at this point after 16-17 years. I haven\u2019t seen this person in forever, like six months. And we\u2019ll just sit there for about a half an hour and no one will talk. The idea is called \u201creading the air;\u201d it\u2019s a Japanese expression and it means you\u2019re supposed to feel what the other person is feeling without them putting it into words. The more time I spent in Japan, the more time I thought the strategies that they have, they\u2019re fun to add to what we have here. What we have here is a lot of people with opinions, a lot of can-do spirit, a lot of individualism, and frankly, the Japanese could really benefit from those things, because they tend to work in a group. But when I think about the benefits of what Japanese culture has brought to me here, that\u2019s how I got interested in it. I thought, \u201cWell, here are some things from Japan that I can add to my life that make my life a whole lot less stressful.\u201d<\/p>\n

Q: What are some simple things people can do every day to build happiness?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Haas:<\/strong> I would say there\u2019s a couple of practical things and there\u2019s some broader things. I\u2019m a big fan of taking a nap sometime during the day if you can possibly do it, and I recognize not everyone can pull this stunt. But if there\u2019s some point during the day, even for five minutes, where you can just tune out, close your eyes and say, \u201cI\u2019m just not doing this,\u201d that goes a long way to letting things go. Another thing you can do is just basically slow down your activities. If you\u2019re having coffee, having tea, you\u2019re cooking \u2014 do it slowly. Take the time to do things. Understand that the process of doing what you\u2019re doing is the outcome in so many ways. It\u2019s the practice of things that matters more than the outcome. You talk to anyone who\u2019s a musician, plays sports, is a physician, they keep talking about practice. Practicing what you enjoy doing makes a big difference.<\/p>\n

On a philosophical, broader level, again, being of more use to others. If you have a family member who you haven\u2019t spoken to in a while, someone you really care about \u2014\u00a0I don\u2019t mean someone you have an estrangement with \u2014\u00a0but someone you feel like, \u201cI should probably call my aunt. I should call my uncle.\u201d Go ahead, do it. Be of use to others. And that makes a huge difference.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Scott Haas \u201982 is a writer and clinical psychologist based in Boston. He writes a monthly jazz column for The Bay State Banner, a weekly publication that reports on Boston\u2019s Black community, and is the author of a new book, \u201cWhy Be Happy? The Japanese Way of Acceptance,\u201d released July. …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":66,"featured_media":4494,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[12,2],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sites.udmercy.edu\/alumni\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/88\/2020\/10\/whybehappy-web.jpg?fit=400%2C508&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8Kcng-1as","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.udmercy.edu\/alumni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4492"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.udmercy.edu\/alumni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.udmercy.edu\/alumni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.udmercy.edu\/alumni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/66"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.udmercy.edu\/alumni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4492"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/sites.udmercy.edu\/alumni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4492\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4496,"href":"https:\/\/sites.udmercy.edu\/alumni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4492\/revisions\/4496"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.udmercy.edu\/alumni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4494"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.udmercy.edu\/alumni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4492"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.udmercy.edu\/alumni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4492"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.udmercy.edu\/alumni\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4492"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}