Feast of St. Mary Magdalene
“The Sting of Consciousness”
One of the aspects of Ignatius’s spirituality that can be puzzling or challenging is when he counsels that we pray that we may experience reproaches, dishonor so as to be able to imitate Jesus more closely. I have found that I don’t need to pray for such experiences to come. Life itself seems to provide enough of them. I was even blessed with some this week already! A friend of mine who is a psychologist says that the value of such painful experiences is that they can become a “sting of consciousness”. When we perceive we haven’t been sufficiently praised or honored or when we fail at something important to us, especially in a public way, we can learn something from our emotional reaction. It can provide us with an opportunity to become conscious of our pride or our perfectionism, for example. And then we have an opportunity to let go of it and begin to live from a deeper place that is truer to who we are.
We are going through a humiliating time as a country right now. We are failing with respect to the coronavirus and our failure is obvious to the entire world. There is no denying it, no matter what the operatives in charge of spin want to say. This humiliation is also tragic in that, as of today, over 140,000 Americans have died. And the death rate is disproportionate for African Americans and people of color. Is there a “sting of consciousness” in this for us?
There is a part of us that may not like to see what such experiences can reveal to us. Many people have been characterizing their actions as exercising their “freedom” as Americans as in “the government isn’t going to tell me what to do.” And the virus has become politicized, mask wearers and non mask wearers belonging to different tribes.
But what if what is hidden beneath the talk about “freedom” is selfishness? As in I’m going to live my life the way I want to and I don’t have time to think about other people or their welfare. Or as politicians use a human and national tragedy for their own benefit. Or what if it is our pride keeping us from being humble enough to acknowledge the data that scientists are collecting on the virus? What if we begin to see such things (and maybe others) in ourselves?
I’m afraid as much as we value “self-reliance” we will not be able to resolve this on our own. Trying to rectify it with the same self that got us here won’t work. It could very well end up being just another ride on the ego train.
In this sense, we need help from outside of ourselves. One thing that will help us to deal with what we are learning about ourselves is if we believed we are loved unconditionally by a merciful and forgiving God, who reminds us that we are more than the worst thing we have ever done. God’s love and forgiveness in this sense provides a “way out of no way,” as the popular phrase in the African American community puts it. This is, indeed, “good news”.
When we are experiencing awakening resulting from a “sting of consciousness,” spiritual traditions of the world emphasize the importance of being open with another person about them, of confession. In Alcoholics Anonymous this is what the 4th and 5th steps are about. For Christians there is the sacrament of reconciliation. One of the things this kind of sharing with another person before God does is to get things out into the open. Our less noble motivations are often hidden, and if they are not exposed to the light of day they can continue to be operative and wreak havoc. Confession helps us to raise things to the light and the level of our consciousness. We can then experience liberation as we are able to let go of our pride or selfishness or whatever is burdening us. As we begin to live into our deeper, truer selves this leads to peace and gratitude. What has been blocking the flow of love and energy between me and other people and me and God is now removed and I can start over anew.
There is no need to be afraid of admitting we have made mistakes, or even that we have shadow sides to our personalities. Jesus actually liked hanging around with people who could be honest about themselves in this way. The people that he was not comfortable around and who he challenged the most were the self-righteous, who projected sin onto others and judged them. There is a practical implication for this today. What could lead to more tragic loss of life is ignoring the seriousness of the situation we are in or denying that we have made any mistakes, letting our pride keep us from taking an honest look at ourselves. If we adopt this stance, we will not change be able to change and improve our approach to the virus. Living in the presence of a God who loves us and all His/Her people and forgives us is a reminder to us that we can start over again and try to get things right this time around.
